Children learn behavior by watching how their parents behave, by watching how their parents react to the child’s behavior and by what the parents say to the child about behavior. This learning goes on throughout childhood, but there is a critical period between about 9 months of age and 3 years of age when many patterns are set. It is important during this time that parents learn to “wait”.
When a young child is roaming and exploring, wait until he actually begins doing something that is a “no” before saying “no”(as long as it isn’t dangerous). We often will suspect something will happen and say “no” before it is called for which is confusing for the child because he really wasn’t doing anything. Lots of “no”s dilute the important “no”s.
When a child is obviously tired but cries when put down, or wakes up a short time after being put down, wait before picking him up. A little fussing and crying is sometimes all they need to go back to sleep.
When a child starts to whine because he wants something or can’t do something, wait. Or if the child gets angry in his frustration, wait. If the parent doesn’t respond to whining, crying and tantrums, the child will move on and try something else – often finding a way to do it himself and calm himself down at the same time.
If a young child isn’t acting hungry, wait until he is. Don’t start a meal just because “It’s dinnertime” or the other kids are eating. Trying to feed a child who isn’t hungry (especially one that has been sucking on juice, milk, crackers and fruit snacks all morning) results in upset for everyone and picky feeding problems.
If a child is acting inappropriately, let them know in a quiet, respectful way what the correct behavior is and then stop and wait. Don’t keep repeating yourself, don’t let yourself get angry and frustrated, just wait. Make it clear to the child by your behavior that you expect proper behavior from him, you will accept nothing less and the world is going to be put on hold until the child begins acting properly.
Even for older children, we find many times when we need to wait before stepping in to solve problems our children encounter. Allowing a child or a teenager to sort through the normal anger and frustration of life teaches them self-confidence and self-control. Don’t immediately try to fix things for your child.
Wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment