Feeding Three Year-Olds

     Three year-olds love the word “No”. Parents hear it many times a day – especially at mealtime.

     As with many parenting issues, feeding three year-olds takes, patience, humor and the ability to listen to protest without giving in. The official kid owner’s manual says that we are only obligated to make one meal three times a day and put it in front of our children. No matter how many times the child ate the same meal last week and loved it, you can expect that it will barely hit the table tonight before you hear “No, I don’t like that”. There are many options when that happens. Trying to convince the child that he “loves spaghetti” is worthless. Once the magic word – “No” - has been issued, all debate is over. This is also true for any attempt to list the individual ingredients – all of which the child has previously begged for. Threats are also a waste of time. “You won’t get anything else”; “You have to stay at the table until you eat it” or “You’ll get it for breakfast” are empty because the child knows you won’t follow through with them.

       If every dinner time is a battle, make sure that you aren’t setting yourself up for failure by giving enough juice, milk or snacks when you get home that the child isn’t hungry by the time dinner is ready. A cup of water and a few blueberries will suffice.

     Remember the basic rule of parenting: Your child will learn whatever you choose to teach them. If water and a small snack is your routine, your child won’t expect more. If they are “STARVING”, simply say, “ I know you’re hungry, Darling, and dinner will be ready in just a little while”. If you start to offer other meal options when what you made for dinner is refused, you’re in trouble because you begin to sound like a short-order cook and the child will turn down everything you offer because it is fun to watch mom jump through hoops. If you fix hot dogs or something that you know Junior will eat, you’ve set yourself for a lifetime of making multiple entrées every meal.

     Because I can’t watch a child eat nothing from lunch until breakfast the next morning (even though it will only result in a child who is so hungry that you can bet they won’t turn down breakfast!), I always have one easy substitution for the turned-down dinner. Usually, an apple or a banana will take care of my guilt. Simply say, “If you don’t want dinner, you can have an apple” rather than “Would you like an apple?” which is just another opportunity to turn you down. If that meets with a “no” then it is perfectly all right to give the child ”all the water you want” until morning. There are few actual recorded cases of starvation overnight in middleclass America.

     As parents, we soon learn that it is physically impossible to force another human being to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom. Our children are always ready to prove that to us any time we forget it.