Things To Do When the New Baby Arrives

     The August issue of Pediatric News has an excellent article by Barbara Howard M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins. The article discusses things that new parents (and parents-to-be) need to discuss.

     The newborn period is a time of stress and also a time of huge changes. How a couple interacts during this period can have long-term effects on their relationship. Difficulties that arise when a new baby enters a family can have both positive and negative effects on the marriage that can last for years.

     Mothers need to feel that the father of the baby is a true partner. He needs to be sympathetic to the fear and pain she endured in labor and delivery and also to the complete exhaustion she will be dealing with in the first weeks at home.  Fathers need to listen closely to their partner and remember how important it is to ask up front, “what can I do for you”.  A loving husband may bring home flowers and then be hurt when the wife is bothered by the smell and actually wanted him to give her a foot rub.

     Fathers and mothers both have to realize that their relationship has changed in a very fundamental way now that a new person has been introduced into it. Things are never going back to the way they were. It is important that parents have honest discussions about their sexual relationship, breast/bottle feeding, how to handle sleep problems, how to handle relatives who want to visit and how to share the everyday workload. Parents need to be absolutely open about both their emotions and their beliefs. If there are differences in religious or cultural beliefs, these also need to be discussed. If the parents are able to engage in this kind of discussion early, they will probably be able to continue as the child grows older and issues like discipline, feeding, and school arise.

     For second-time parents, Dr. Howard also recommends being realistic and honest with the baby’s older siblings. Parents should avoid the “you’ll have a new brother to play with” attitude because babies aren’t much fun for a long time and all the sibling will see is how much the baby takes away time that they used to have with the parent. They’ll see how, when the baby screams and cries, the parents drop whatever they were doing and go to interact with the baby, so, the logical conclusion is that if they act the same way, the parent will spend more time with them. Potty-trained siblings may want to be in diapers again. Parents can ease the situation by allowing the sibling to openly express any feelings they have – especially the negative ones – and by making special one-on-one time every day with the sibling that cannot be interrupted by the baby.