Don't Teach, Play!

     Parents sometimes feel in competition with other parents. Parents inwardly compare whose child walked the earliest or whose child learned the alphabet soonest. We put the focus on teaching and we forget that toddlers learn best by playing. We also make the mistake of thinking about playing as only running and shouting. The most important way for a toddler to play is by exploring – wandering in a safe place, examining whatever takes his interest with a parent following behind talking to him and sharing his exploration with him.  Let the toddler determine the activity and allow his short attention span to move wherever and to whatever he finds. Forget about “games” and, especially, about “rules”.

     This important play activity needs an area with lots of things to touch, climb on, move, carry and stack. What is even more difficult for busy parents is that it demands time. Exploration cannot be directed and should never be hurried. The parent can offer a running monologue with the “learning” part tucked into it: “You have a blue shoe”; “There are two books on the table”. If the toddler finds something that is not to be played with, a firm “No” from the parent is a wonderful way of teaching discipline. If the child obeys and doesn’t touch the object, the parent should immediately praise him for “listening” and go right back to happy exploration. If a tear results, ride with it and the child will settle himself down and find something else to explore soon enough.  Exploration play serves as a way for the toddler to learn to deal with his own anger and frustration – he might struggle to climb up on something while the parent holds back, allowing him to struggle while giving reassurance: “You can do it”. It can also teach that when mom or dad says, “No”, he needs to listen to it.

     If the exploration starts to result in too many toddler tears, the child is probably tired and needs a break. If you find yourself getting frustrated or upset, it is time for you to take a break. Find someone to take over child-care for a while and spend a little time taking care of yourself.