"Let Your Child Cry" Or Not

-->

     It seems people never tire of debating whether or not to “let a child cry”. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into this senseless argument.

   As parents, we are caretakers and teachers. This means that give our children what they need (not necessarily what they want) and we teach them the things that will help them as they grow.

   When a child is tired, he needs sleep. A tired child feels terrible and, because he doesn’t understand why he feels terrible, he begins to fuss and cry. Infants will go from happy to crying in seconds about every three hours. Most toddlers need both a morning and afternoon sleep time. Rocking or walking until the child is asleep is not helpful. The child drifts off and then wakes up again when laid down and crys harder because he feels worse. When it is obvious an infant or toddler is tired, be sure that he is not soiled and then rock, sing or read until he is drowsy and then put the child down in the crib while he is still awake. He’ll cry because he wants you to hold him all night long, but you know that’s not realistic and you want him to learn how to self-quiet. He’ll cry for a short time, but he’s tired! He’ll burn off the residual energy and then go to sleep. Don’t “camp out” in his room – again, unrealistic – you aren’t going to stay there all night. By helping him to learn how to quiet himself, he’ll be able to do it when he wakes up during the night (which all infants and many toddlers do) and you won’t have to go back in and quiet him multiple times.

     Using the same principles, when a child has a mild injury, approach it “matter-of-factly” at first. Recognize that the child is hurt and, usually, frightened. Assess how much damage has actually been done and let the child know –“ It looks like you are going to be all right, but I know it hurts”. Then give the best medicine - a hug. But don’t teach your child that whenever they are hurt, frightened or upset that they immediately need to run to you to “make it better". Sure, it feels good to you but it doesn’t help the child.

     Finally, when a child wants something, allow them to try getting it for themselves before you step in and help them. If they cry and whine in frustration (which they all do) ignore it and wait until they use another method to indicate the need to you. It is fine to stand by them and encourage them while they struggle and, often, they will solve the problem and get what they want by themselves. That is an invaluable lesson for them and will result in you listening to less whining the next time.