Teaching Discipline and Good Behavior

     As a parent, you are the most important person in your child’s life and all children want to please and imitate their parents. Your love and attention are the things that children want more than any other reward.

     We praise our children for physical actions like taking their first steps and stacking blocks, but it is important to give the same positive response to behavior. Too often, parents think of discipline as a negative thing. Remember that the base word for discipline is disciple – someone who willingly follows a teacher. When parents think of themselves as teachers, they see that it is easier for the student to learn when teaching is clear, respectful and positive. Catching your child being good means clearly identifying the behavior that you want to see repeated and then giving praise for it – “ I love it when you ask so politely!” - “ It’s wonderful when you share with your brother!”.  Encouragement and praise for good behavior help your child to learn the kind of behavior you expect of him and starting it early in life (before 1 year of age) will make things easier later on.

      It is every bit as important to immediately let the child know when they do a behavior that is not acceptable. It is never too early to tell a child “No!” in a clear and serious voice. If the child stops the behavior, immediately praise him for stopping – I recommend saying “Thank You” whenever a child respects your saying “No”. If a young child does not immediately stop the behavior, think about your delivery – did you smile when you said “No”? or was your voice soft and sweet? In previous articles I have said that the right way to say “No” to a young child is to do it so that you see fear and a tear. Don’t let yourself become angry or frustrated if the behavior is repeated – few of us learn something the first time. It is as important to identify the bad behavior as it is to identify the good behavior. – “No biting!”. As a child gets older, other forms of discipline like time-outs can be used. But always remember to let the child know that you love them and make sure every interaction is done with respect and patience. When you find yourself getting stressed or losing control, step away from the situation and take a break.

     Some resources to help parents learn how to teach discipline are: The American Academy of Pediatrics “Connected Kids” program and “1-2-3 Magic” by TW Phelan.