Behavior: Toddlers

The best time for parents and toddlers is a 1-on-1 interaction with no goals, no rules and nothing but relaxed fun. Turn off the TV, the DVD and even the music. With that wonderful silence, you will find yourself talking to your child. Every time the toddler’s finger points to something, say the name. Keep up a running commentary –“you’re drawing with a red crayon” and keep the smiles, hugs and positive comments coming often. As your toddler goes from the table to the chair to the floor to the window, go with him. Let the child lead you. No plan, no specific game - just you and your child exploring the world together.

     When he can’t get up on the chair or gets caught when he crawls under the table, he will start to whine and cry. As long as he isn’t in any danger don’t rush to help him. Remember that anytime you reinforce a behavior, you increase the likelihood that that behavior will occur again.  Putting him in the chair when he whines to get into the chair teaches him to whine to get what he wants. Always be careful of the behavior that you reinforce – only give positive attention to behavior that you want to see more of. When he is struggling, give the quiet reassurance that helps him calm down – “I’m here”; “Everything is O.K.”; “You can do it”. This not only helps him learn to settle himself down, it helps him to try other ways to solve his own problems – and you will be amazed at how he will stop whining and begin to work out something new.

     When his natural exploration leads him into a behavior that is not acceptable, say a firm, clear “NO!” Be sure that when you say “NO” that the child stops the behavior immediately and it is O.K. if you see fear and a tear – it means you got the message across. Don’t use “no” as the beginning of a sentence anytime you want to simply change a behavior: “No, honey, we don’t want you to play with that”; “No, honey, Daddy doesn’t like that.” The word ‘no” is saved for the times when you really need to say “NO!” - otherwise the child gets used to hearing it and will start to ignore it. Don’t get angry and don’t escalate  (“No, honey,don’t do that” ; “NO,,honey, don’t do that!” ; “NO!! I’VE TOLD YOU THREE TIMES NOT TO DO THAT!!!”) If the behavior warrants a “NO”, say it. If not, say the rule without the “no” attached. - We don’t play in the toilet” – or steer the child away from the behavior before it occurs. There is nothing more obvious than a toddler’s behavior – you can see in their eyes what they plan to do next. Avoiding trouble while keeping things relaxed and positive beats getting into trouble and then having a negative interaction.